Great Big World Out There

on photo shows

I've used picasa to organize my photos for years.  It's handy, it's efficient and it is free.  Meets all my requirements.  I use it as my screensaver which has been thoroughly entertaining the last week - you never know what you're gonna ee up on that screen.  Right now I have a picture of my church on one screen and the other has a pciture of Anna's birthday cake.  Anything could pop up next - nasty viscera pictures interspersed with lovely multi-generation photos with cute babies.  Then water, sand, and shopping at a greenhouse.

Most of the time I see the photo and know exactly what I'm looking at.  From time to time, though, I'm baffled.  Landscapes are deadly.  Palm trees, airports, mountains and sunsets.  I've got some cool photos.  Some very weird photos.  Mostly entertaining photos. 

I've clearly wasted enough time talking about nothing in particular; what I should be doing is writing the damn thesis.  I am getting close, I know it.  I feel it.  But I know I have a lot of hard work to do still and that makes me crazy.  CRAZY!  I have to get it done tonight so I can revise another chapter tomorrow. 

Then I can revise another chapter on Saturday.  Hopefully getting signed off on the remaining chapters as I send them off.  Classes are over, exams are done, so at least there isn't that distraction for my supervisor.  Not that he isn't crazy busy with other stuff in his lab.  At least I am nearly finished, and then I never have to do shit like this again.  Ever.

Ever. 

cheese

So, quite some time ago I got a DVD as a birthday present.  I think it might have been a couple of years ago, back when I was in classes and working full time.  Ahh, now those were the days.  I didn't have time to think straight, let alone watch movies for fun. 

So when I got a copy of the Cutting Edge 2: Going for the Gold I decided to save it for when I was done exams.  A guilty pleasure, since the first Cutting Edge was such a cheese fest.  I like cheese.

But then it got lost.  It's been lost for a couple of years, in fact.  As I've been writing here in my basement prison office the past week I've been kind of cleaning as I go. I've got entirely too much shit if I misplace a DVD for 2 years and only find it when I empty a box of crap I'd stashed out of the way that long ago. 

So this morning, as I stumble through revisions to my lit review, I've got a major cheesefest happening on the tv.  It's so bad it's good. It's so unbelievable it's perfect.  The lines are killing me.  I should probably turn it off and really concentrate on my writing.  I can write pretty well if I've got something familiar on the tv - but I get more distracted when I've got something new on. 

So after this is done I'm going to switch to some old Gilmore Girls episodes.  I know them, I love them, they are the perfect accompaniment to writing about what I'm writing about.  Good times.

writing

I am pleased to report that I've finished one of my chapters.  Finished, as in sent off to the supervisor to judge if it is ready for defense.  I think it is ready.  I finished it around 230 this  morning, crawled off to bed and then couldn't sleep until after 6am.  Woken at 9am, I spent an hour or so reading some stuff for my lit review. 

I have this great paper with some background information.  The only problem is that I got it from my supervisor, who got it from someone he worked with while he was doing his PhD.  Now how the hell do I cite that?  I haven't found any published papers from the same man who wrote the background paper that echo what is written here.

It's making me crazy.   I haven't heard back from my supervisor about the source of the information.   Maybe I can search some terms that are similar and cobble something together.

The only problem is I am so damn tired again.  I worked for an hour or so this morning and had to go lie down for a while.  I got tired of lying down and decided to head to the bank.  I had this big pile of cheques and cash from various things I've been reimbursed for.  I didn't need to deposit them today; in fact, I probably should have done it tomorrow because there was one cheque I didn't deposit today since it isn't quite payday.  That cheque was only $55 so no biggie.  I'll take it to the bank tomorrow morning. 

My bank's ABMs have this feature where you enter each cheque and it adds up the total deposit amount for you.  I guess this isn't really a new feature, but I like it - especially handy when you've got a whole bunch of odd valued cheques that would take a lot of effort to total up.  Since I knew the machine would do it for me, I never bothered figuring out how much money I had.  I'd forgotten about some of the cheques that were in my envelope; so I was quite surprised to discover that the total amount of my deposit was over $1000.  Holy shit!  That was a lovely surprise.  I paid back the loan I took out of my savings account to pay for a play thingie for my nieces and nephews and now I will cover the charges I've made on my credit card this month.  Once my tax refund arrives I will pay off thee remaining balance on the credit card and I will be mostly debt free.

I'd like to take credit for getting myyself out of a giant hole, debt-wise, but I can't.  I had a lot of help.  My dad co-signed a loan to consolidate the ridiculous credit card debt I'd built upp 7 years ago, that was the start of getting smarter with my money.  I paid that loan off in full.  Then I went back to school and needed a loan to buy out the lease on my older car.  I loved that car, would have still been driving it today but for my bad back.  I didn't need to get a brand new car, per se, but I needed to get out of the manual transmission vehicle since it was killing my back.  I looked at used vehicles but at the time new vehicles got better financing - I qualified for 0% financing over 3 years.  The savings in interest pretty negated any savings from buying used.  Also, I got a shiny new car.

I just had the old loan on my car to pay off - what the dealer was offering for it wouldn't cover the amount I owed.  I was in a hole again - I had no intention of buying a new car when I signed the loan papersfor the old car - I planned to keep it for another 4 years.  Then I'd look at buying something different. 

I asked my dad to help me.  I didn't really want to do it; but I had to get a new car.  My back was so bad I couldn't walk at the end of the day, driving was becoming a bigger problem than I ever thought it could.  My back froze up more than once and I was afraid it  would cause an accident.  I told my dad why I was looking to buy a new car, why I needed his help, and because I am the most spoiled person alive he agreed to help  me.  It didn't hurt that he'd just sold a parcel of land for an astronomical amount of money; it's kind of why I didn't feel so bad about asking.  It wasn't going to be a hardship for him to loan me the money.

Except he wouldn't let me pay him back.  He just laughed at me when I offered him payments.  So in one fell swoop, I (he) paid off the car loan and all I had left were some student loans and my credit card.  I've always been bad with credit cards.  I learned that I can only have one.  I'm still learning how to not charge it completely full and make minimum payments.

Until now.  I won that scholarship a month ago and took a giant dent off the card.  Now I've got a tax refund coming that will pay off the balance in full, and leave some over for my savings account.  Which I've also gotten to a higher level than it has ever been.

It's amazing how a little leg up can make such big difference.  I would be swimming in debt without my dad's help.  Bless him.  I have been blessed beyond measure.  I drive a shiny new car thanks to his help, and I'm nearly debt free thanks to his help.  Some people might think less of me for this; I don't give a damn.  If you have an opportunity, why shouldn't you take it? 

Now to go have a little nap.  I'm dying here.  Hopefully I feel better in an hour or two and can get some more writing done.  I have no other choice. 

Serentiy

I have 9 days to finish wiritn my masters thesis. I've already had people asking me when I'll start a PhD. I reply with a resounding NEVER.

I think we have too many PhD's floating around in the world out there. I can do what I want to do with an MSc; hell, I could have done it with my duo of bachelor's degrees. I think you need to be really passionate about your subject to make it through a PhD program. I like what I do, I am pleased to get paid to do it, and I am even more pleased that I got my way paid to get the MSc.

I remember having a conversation with some professors from the US a few years ago. At the time I hadn't started the degrere but was planning to start classes that September (a couple of months later). I made no bones about the fact that I wouldn't be pursuing the degree if I weren't completely supported by my employer to do so. I was not, and am not willing to work as someone's slave for 2 -7 years to get a degree. I will never forget their response. A laugh and 'you're not hungry enough.'

I disagreed then, and I disagree even more now. Why should I, or anyone else, be forced to live below the poverty line just to get a degree? I know people will argue that research depends on the cheap labour of a grad students. Science couldn't progress without it, they would say. The degree makes up for the hardships - I did it, so you can do it too. I'm working in an area where you aren't expected to be in a lab all day, every day and I still think students are being exploited. I've seen the people who do have to work in lab all day, every day and I admire their commitment. I know it is expensive to take on students, I know that it would be hard to get the funding to support a student at a reasonable income.

I'm not making my case very eloquently, but my main point is this. Just becuase things have always been this way, and you had to live through hell doesn't mean you need to enforce that same hell on your students. I've had it really good, and I work with people who treat their students really well in comparison to some stories I've heard. If I have someone working for me, I want to be able to pay them a living wage.

I don't think it made me any less 'hungry' to want to carry on the life I'd created for myself while getting a higher degree.

On watching and writing

I loved Quantum Leap when it was on.  Watched it religiously until I started university.  Then I kind of fell away from watching, being busy with other things.

I bought a copy of the 5th season the other day on my way home from a meeting.  I've been watching it as I've been busy lazing about, full of sickness.  I now intend to watch it as I write like a maniac.  I have days.  Mere days to finish this thesis. 

I must finish the first chapter today.  That will give me tomorrow and Monday to finish the lit review.  I think I can get that done.  I am at the point of adding details to the papers, the detail I wasn't really sure of until I had all the results sorted out in my head. 

Good times. 

I am nearly done season 5, so I got myself into my car (breaking every what not to wear rule there is) and got myself to Best Buy.  I've got season 4 now and a new version of the sound of music.  I am looking forward to watching that.

In other news, I forgot how much I was annoyed by the final episode of Quantum Leap.  I read this morning that it was meant only to be a cliffhanger, but the series didn't get renewed for a 6th season.  He didn't get home.

Whoa

I'm not feeling at all well.  My stomach is weird, my head is all off, my eyes are weird, and I feel kind of weak. 

Is it because of the virus?  Is it the drugs I've taken to combat the virus?  I'm not congested, but now I'm so out of it I certainly can't do any coherent writing.  I've gotten myself a little spot all ready to write.  I need an extension cord.  Why can't I find an extension cord when I need one?  Why why why?

Maybe I should go lie down and sleep for a while. 

Friday Fill In 121

It's the thing to do on Friday!

I am a bit early, but what the heck.  I'm sick.

1. Apparently there's some sort of rule about finishing a thesis - just when you think you are nearly done, 15 new things pop up.  Dammit.

2. On the one sunny day of spring, I am sick like dog and vegetate indoors.  Feel better just in time for it to snow this morning. Oi.

3. 2009 has been quite full of travel so far.

4. Damn, that was it.

5. For too long I've been writing the thesis that will never be done.  I have a firm deadline in mind now and I have 12 days until that day.  F$@%^ck.

6. I am not obsessed with writing my thesis, really; I am not!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to writing the thesis, tomorrow my plans include writing the thesis and Sunday, I want to write some more on the f'ing thesis!

so, how are you

I've spent most of the past week sick.  Last Friday I was minding my own business, working away in my office, when my eye started running.  So much so that I walked around with kleenex held to my face - a lovely look in any weather.

I thought nothing of it until I got to the hairdresser the next morning, where she asked if I had pinkeye.  I thought not.

Then my sister got the same thing, and it travelled to my other eye.  Confirmed by the ER doc on Sunday morning, so I put myself into isolation.  Travelled to my office to collect various work things like laptops, reference books, the snazzy keyboard and mouse combo so I don't aggravate my wrists, etc.  I had excellent plans for writing like a fool while my body was a vessel of plague.

Now, I don't nap.  Ever.  Unless I am sick or the rare occasion on a Sunday afternoon that crawls around every couple of years or so.  I got up around 7:30 Monday morning thinking I'd head downstairs and start working.  I made it downstairs, worked a bit at clearing a space on my desk for my laptop and snazzy keyboard when it all seemed to be TOO MUCH and I took one arm and moved all the crap off the couch.  Whereupon I collapsed for the next several hours and did not wake with the sound of small children running overhead or the sounds of things being blown up in stereo surround sound (mythbusters was on) 6 inches from my head. 

Clearly I was ill.  I spent the rest of the day staring at walls, televisions or the ceiling when I was not comatose.  I was hot, I was cold, I was miserable.  The next day things got even better when my throat got sore and a deep breath prompted a fit of coughing. 

Wednesday I had to go to a couple of meetings to discuss the progress on my thesis.  I have a date by which I must be finished the writing and a week of dates in which to defend the damn thing. 

I have 12 days.   I am still feverish and I feel like shit warmed over.  I had to go to town this morning - I had some paperwork that had to be delivered today and I needed to do some copying.  I could have copied it at home but that seemed just too hard so I went to Staples.  Since I needed some things from Staples it made sense.  I had a car full of recycling, so it made sense to get rid of that.  I was hungry, so I went to Safeway.  Thankfully I remembered to go to the office to deliver the paperwork, but now I am beat.  I carried in the assortment of crap I'd bought at Safeway and finally brought in the reference books.  I will write this afternoon, not because I want to, or particularly have the strength, but because I must. 

The benefit of being at home is that I can wander over and get a cup of tea whenever I want, I don't have to wash my hair and I can wear my fuzziest, ugliest pants.  I have to cook my own food though, which is kind of a pain.  Also it is my dad's birthday and I think I am going to make him a loaf of bread.  How lame is that?  I will put raisins in it and that will make all the difference.  I hope. 

I will have to expend the effort of finding the bread machine, so there's that to look forward to.  Perhaps I should lie down and watch mythbusters first?  I love the discovery channel when I'm sick - I am thinking of making it the official channel fo sick days from now on. 

I shall finish the chapter on stress today.  I have spoken.

privilege

I think I did this once before, but I am too tired, sick and generally short of breath to move my fingers more than required to complete the quiz.  Lame, I know but I am averse to coughing fits.  Seen here.

The items that apply to me are BOLD

1. Father went to college

2. Father finished college

3. Mother went to college

4. Mother finished college

5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor

6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers

7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home (Books I have always had in plenty)

8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home

9. Were read children’s books by a parent

10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18

11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18 (swimming in kindergarten, organ, piano)

12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively

13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18 (got one at 18 to go to Europe, though)

14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs

15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs

16. Went to a private high school

17. Went to summer camp (I hated summer camp)

18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18

19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels (Never stayed in a hotel but we travelled across the land)

20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18  (It was not expensive, but it was new)

21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them (I hated that car and refused to drive it.  Am spoiled and bitchy)

22. There was original art in your house when you were a child

23. You and your family lived in a single family house

24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home

25. You had your own room as a child

26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18

27. Participated in a college entrance exam (eg. SAT/ACT) prep course

28. Had your own TV in your room

29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College (College.  Remnants of trust fund)

30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16

31. Went on a cruise with your family (never been on a cruise, don't want to either)

32. Went on more than one cruise with your family

33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up (Free family entertainment!)

34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family (Had no clue until I started doing the farm books).

sunday stealing

This amuses me. I should be cleaning my office to make sure I've gotten all the tax thingies I've stuffed in random corners but instead I've killed some time playing.  It is Sunday, after all.

Sunday Stealing 40

1. My uncle once : got mad at me for using an oven.

2. Never in my life : enjoyed studying for an exam

3. When I was seventeen : I totally destroyed my car in front of the local McDonalds.

4. High School was : a blessedly long time ago

5. I will never forget : being in Boston in the fall

6. I once met : Donald Trump outside Trump Tower in New York.

7. There’s this girl I know who : would fly across the world to have lunch at McDonalds.  Just to say she did.

8. Once, at a bar : I wrote someone a cheque for a million dollars.  Then I stopped drinking.

9. By noon, I’m usually : ready for a nap.

10. Last night : I watched a slew of movies

11. If only I had : a finished thesis.

12. Next time I go to gym/church : Church will be next Sunday.  I might hop on the treadmill tomorrow.

13. Susan Boyle : really needed her eyebrows thinned.

14. What worries me most : someone else deciding what I am going to do.

15. When I turn my head left, I see : a television, a pile of scrapbooking crap and file boxes full of tax crap.

16. When I turn my head right, I see : a fliling cabinet and more scrapbooking crap.

17. You know I’m lying when : I have this little half grin that feels totally obvious to me, but is hard for others to see.  Useful for poker playing.

18. What I miss most about the eighties : I had no bills to pay.

19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be : Beatrice, from Much Ado About Nothing   

20. By this time next year : I will be done my thesis, dammit.

21. A better name for me would be : Later

22. I have a hard time understanding : math notation.  I see that stuff and my brain instantly cramps up, even though I have a better than average chance of understanding what it all means.

23. If I ever go back to school, I’ll : just never go back to school.  But if I were paid millions of billions of dollars, I'd get myself a PhD.

24. You know I like you if : I offer to help you with something

25. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be : my mom.

26. When I compare 80’s rock to 90’s rock : I think of hair.

27. Take my advice, never : become a graduate student.

28. My ideal breakfast is : waffles

29. A song I love, but do not own is : not one I can think of right now.

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest : riding the rollercoaster that killed a couple of people back in the 80s.

31. My favorite Beatle is : I will say John

32. Why won’t people : just be nice to each other.

33. If you spend the night at my house : the cat will keep your feet warm.

34. I’d stop my wedding for : extreme weather?

35. The world could do without : another damn reality show about models.  Seriously, I saw something called the next smartest best model or something ridiculous like that. 

36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than : keep on being a grad student.

37. My favorite blonde is : me!

38: Paper clips are more useful than : reality shows about modeling.

39. If I do anything well, it’s : lazing about

40. And by the way :  I have highly infectious pinkeye.  In both eyes.  Lovely.